Supporting Someone Who is Grieving: Tips and Advice
Losing a loved one can be one of the most challenging experiences anyone can go through. Knowing how to help someone grieving can be challenging, but there are ways to offer support and comfort during this difficult time.
Firstly, it's essential to recognize that there is no "right" way to support someone grieving because there is no “right” way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently, and what works for one person may not work for another. However, there are some helpful starting points to keep in mind. One of the most important things you can do is be there for your loved one, whether by listening, offering practical help, or simply spending time with them.
Being there means tamping into empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. Empathy is a crucial component of emotional intelligence and is vital in building relationships, fostering understanding, and promoting compassion and kindness toward others. There are three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. Cognitive empathy involves understanding someone's feelings, emotional empathy is when you share those feelings with them, and compassionate empathy is when you take action to alleviate their suffering. To tap into your empathy, try to put yourself in your loved one's shoes and imagine what they might be going through and what they might be needing.
Having mourning practices is helpful for those who are grieving. Some people find solace in writing, journaling, or creating art to process their feelings. Encourage your loved one to explore different healing practices and offer to help them create some if they do not have any. Even offering gestures like lighting a candle honoring their loved one’s memory can create a loving connection. It's important to recognize that grief can be expressed differently in different cultures. Some cultures may have specific mourning practices, such as wearing certain colors or covering up photos of the deceased. Respecting these practices, understanding their meaning, and supporting engaging in them is crucial when supporting someone grieving.
Grief can be an overwhelming and complex experience. When grieving, your loved one may experience various uncomfortable emotions, such as guilt, anger, resentment, shame, and sorrow. Expressing these feelings can be intense and challenging, and your loved one may not know how to articulate them. It's common for grieving people to express their emotions in jarring ways, such as screaming, wailing, stomping, or speaking harshly. As a supporter, it's essential to be patient and understanding and to create a safe space for your loved one to express their feelings without judgment or criticism. Remember that everyone's grief journey is different; there is no "right" or "wrong" way to feel or express emotions.
Grief is a deeply personal experience and can manifest in various ways. Supporting someone through their grief journey can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to offer comfort and support. Here are ten things you can do to provide support to someone who is grieving:
Listen actively: Simply being there for your loved one and actively listening to them can make a big difference. Encourage them to express their feelings and be present with them without trying to “fix” their pain or interrupt their sharing.
Be patient and kind: Healing from grief is a process that takes time. It's essential to be patient and kind with your loved one and respect their needs and grieving process. Offer encouragement, give them space when needed, and check in with them regularly to let them know you're there for them.
Offer to help with household chores: Grief can be overwhelming and exhausting, so offering practical help can be extremely valuable. After a loss, everyday tasks like cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping can become overwhelming. Caregiving tasks can also be a struggle, so offering to care for children or pets is also helpful. Helping to take some of the pressure off your loved one can give them the time and space they need to grieve.
Check-in regularly: Grief can be a long and unpredictable journey, and your loved one may need ongoing support even after the initial shock has passed. Checking in regularly, whether by phone, text or in person, can help your loved one feel less isolated and remind them that you are there for them. Checking in can ask them how they feel or what memories they remember. It can even include you sharing about your day or thoughts and feelings you’ve had.
Offer to attend appointments or meetings: If your loved one is struggling with practical tasks related to their loss, such as making funeral arrangements or meeting with lawyers, offering to attend appointments or meetings with them can be a big help. It can also provide emotional support and help your loved one feel less alone during a difficult time. They may want to complete these tasks alone, but simply giving them the option of being there is enough to show you care.
Remember important dates: Birthdays, anniversaries, and other significant dates can be especially challenging for someone who is grieving. Marking these dates on your calendar and reaching out to your loved one with a kind word or gesture can show that you are thinking of them. Have some rituals written down that you can suggest as a way to honor the day.
Be mindful of triggers: Certain people, places, or things that remind them of their loss may trigger your loved one. Be aware of these triggers and help your loved one avoid them if necessary. When triggers are unavoidable, offer to be there for emotional support and listen if they need to talk.
Encourage them to seek professional help: Grief can be a complex and overwhelming emotion, and some people may benefit from professional help from a therapist or counselor. Encouraging your loved one to seek professional help and even offering to help them find a therapist or counselor can be a valuable way to support them through their grief journey. Along with therapy, grief support groups provide a safe space for people to share their experiences and connect with others who are going through a similar loss. Assisting them in finding and attending a group with them could be another form of support.
Create a self-care package: Give your loved one some items to tape into their self-care. Lotions, gift cards for food delivery, Epson salt for baths, a playlist of music they enjoy, or coloring books. Include grieving journals, books on grief, candles, or a framed picture of them with their dearly departed. It can be easy to forget to engage in self-care when someone is grieving, and reminding them through a package can assist in their grief journey.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone grieving can be emotionally taxing, so take care of your emotional and physical needs. Set boundaries when you need to, practice self-care, and reach out to your support network for help.
Supporting someone who is grieving can be challenging. By being there for them, offering empathy, and respecting their individual needs and cultural practices, you can help them navigate this difficult time. Remember that everyone's grief journey is different, with no one-size-fits-all approach. However, actively listening to your loved one, offering practical help, and showing empathy can help them feel supported during this difficult time.
