12 Myths About Therapists

When it comes to being a therapist, people who’ve never worked with one often create judgments that don’t exactly match reality. These judgments could have been developed from watching a character on TV, or from what they’ve heard from family and friends. Wherever they got these ideas, a lot of them are at best misleading, and at worst downright hurtful.

It’s odd to me that the profession I chose, one designed to help people, is viewed in such a negative light. Both the concept of what I do and my motivations for doing it are often put into question. I hope I can clear up some common myths in order to destigmatize what a therapist is, and in doing so increase access to wellness for all. 

Here are 12 Myths About Therapists:

Myth 1: “All therapists are the same.”

Fact: Not even close to being true. Therapists differ in style, background, specialization, training, culture, and a whole host of other things. We all abide by certain ethical and legal expectations, but the way each of us provides treatment can be very different. Some therapists see patients in hospitals, others in an office setting, others at their work, and others online. Navigating these different environments alone involves different types of strengths. I specialize and have specific training in working with active-duty military members. I can assist with the struggles a service member would have to face. If those struggles are causing sexual dysfunction, I would refer them to a sex therapist who specializes in this field to help them work on the mind-body connection. If they were suffering an eating disorder, I would refer them to someone who specializes in eating disorders. That doesn’t mean I can’t continue to work with this particular service member. It means their treatment needs to be tailored to specific issues that I need a team to help with. Additionally, as therapists are human, not all therapists are actually good at their job. Burn-out in the field is very real. Finding the right therapist for you will look very much like dating. No therapist is one-size-fits-all.

Myth 2: “All therapists do is repeat the phrase ‘How does that make you feel?’.”

Fact: Not gonna lie, therapists do want to know how something makes you feel. But that’s not all there is to it. In fact, there are times when this question isn’t even appropriate to ask. There are many other modalities therapists choose that are action-focused, involving process work to delve deep into identifying goals and achieving them. For example: cognitive-behavioral therapy, one of the evidence-based therapies that are widely accepted on almost every insurance plan, focuses on problem-solving and homework. Additionally, a lot of theories involve internal reflection work and mind-body connection work. Therapists are just as much about doing as they are about feeling.

Myth 3: “Therapists just want to tell you everything that’s wrong with you.”

Fact: The first role of all therapists is to be an active listener. Not an oversharer, not a talker, not a blamer or shamer. Therapists will reflect back what they hear, to confirm accuracy and understanding of what you’re expressing. They will also ask clarifying questions and explore your understanding of what you’re sharing. They may even provide their own insights and perspectives. They will not, however, tell you that you’re “sick” or “wrong.” Therapists aim to help you grow, find your strengths, and gain new ones. They will discuss and challenge common “thought-errors” or cognitive distortions, negative coping skills, and defense mechanisms. But even when challenging, a therapist isn’t telling you something is wrong with you. They are acknowledging what you had to do to survive and pushing to work on what you have to do to thrive.

Myth 4: “People become therapists because they want to work out their own issues.”

Fact: Like everyone else, therapists are human. Humans experience life. And life, well it can be full of problems. Some therapists, because they have survived these problems, were inspired by their own life story to learn how to help others overcome the same issues. That being said, licensing requirements and state ethics boards ensure that any therapist actively providing treatment is both medically and mentally fit to serve the community. Therapists, when they have a condition that could prevent them from providing optimal treatment, must report this to their boards. It should also be noted that many therapists see a therapist for themselves. We believe in the treatment and seek it out for our own wellbeing. Some licensing boards even require it we see a therapist for a certain number of sessions, before we cab even get licensed. Lastly, it is ethically and in some cases legally wrong for a therapist to use the time they spend with a patient to address their own concerns. A patient is a paying customer after all.

Myth 5: “Therapists just focus on your childhood and past.”

Fact: There are treatment modalities that involve exploring a patient’s past, including their relationship with their family, their culture, and themselves. Though, many therapists don’t need to “look at where it all started” in order to help you change your current reactions to situations in your life. Remember that therapy is patient-led. If a patient doesn’t want to “go there,” a therapist won’t force them. A therapist may challenge this, but they won’t do it without explaining why they clinically believe exploring the past may help you heal. That being said, though it can be helpful to understand how we develop specific coping mechanisms and reactions, it isn’t always an appropriate or necessary part of treatment. All therapy aims to improve current functioning and relieve emotional suffering, so if looking back won’t do that, therapists don’t. 

Myth 6: “In couples therapy, the therapist always sides with whoever is their same gender.”

Fact: It’s a common misconception that a therapist will “take sides” when treating individuals in couples therapy. Therapists are trained to be aware that nothing happens in a vacuum. They know that each partner plays several important roles in their relationship, all of which can equally affect how the relationship grows. Therapists actively work to show this to their patients. They will point out how both parties contribute to a problem and ways to recognize that and take ownership. This erroneous generalization also doesn’t take into account same-sex couples, or non-binary/gender non-conforming partners, whose genders’ might no match their therapists’. This myth is also applied to couples where infidelity has taken place. Despite the common misconception, a therapist will not side with the individual who was faithful. Again, they look at the relationship, helping to discover how both parties can heal. It should be noted that when the relationship is unsafe, the therapist will want to work on a safety plan. This is very different then generalized couples counseling, as it involves potential harm to self or others.

Myth 7: “The therapist will encourage me to do things against my religious beliefs/morals/values.”

Fact: I’m not gonna lie, this one surprises me. But I’ve had a lot of people tell me they won’t seek therapy because they believe the therapist will convince them to do things that are against their own code. Therapists are taught, and ethically and legally expected, to respect the religious beliefs and cultural experiences of their patients. There are also therapists who incorporate and specialize in faith-based counseling. If it is important to you that your therapist aligns with certain religious, cultural, or political views, you can ask them what those views are during a phone consultation. This is not an unusual question for a therapist to be asked, and they would rather you choose a provider you are comfortable with. Additionally, for many patients, they want to be aware that their therapist has lived experience. Therapy is dependent on the therapeutic alliance, and the rapport built between therapist and patient.

Myth 8: “Therapists are all cheerleader types who tell you you’re special and great and don’t actually help you.”

Fact: Yes, therapists can be encouraging and empathetic. They can respond with unconditional positive regard. That being said, therapists are not cheerleaders. Though they support and aid you, they will also challenge you. If there are maladaptive coping skills you’re using, they are going to address that. If you are skipping sessions, not doing homework, or avoiding topics, a therapist is going to address that too. We aren’t your best friend, we are your therapist. Our job is to help you grow. Growth isn’t easy, and it isn’t always pretty. We will challenge you with care and compassion, but trust me when I say, we won’t coddle you either.

Myth 9: “Therapists are all about the money.”

Fact: Wrong. If we wanted to make money, we wouldn’t have chosen a helping profession. Therapists choose this field because we have a deep respect for humanity, not because we thought we would get rich. Becoming a therapist is a labor-intensive process. It involves years of school, years of interning and, once licensed, years of continued education to stay on top of necessary changes in the field and new treatment modalities. If a therapist is on an insurance panel or EAP panel, it is highly unlikely that they are reimbursed at their full rate (what would be fair market value for their degree, licensure, and expertise). Therapists often hold multiple jobs in order to meet their own financial obligations. But to us, it’s worth it. We love helping people. Additionally, many of us provide sliding scale fees and pro bono spots in our practice because we want people to grow and heal.

Myth 10: “No therapist can help you if they haven’t experienced the same thing.”

Fact: This is a rather common belief. I often hear people tell me that, unless I have overcome the same struggles as they have, I can’t truly help them heal. Each individual is unique, and how they see and experience the world is also unique. Wanting a therapist who has overcome the same issues is more about being understood and sharing a struggle than it is about not being able to learn from someone who hasn’t. Shared experience is a common way of understanding, but it isn’t the only way. Training and clinical experience are an additional way of understanding. One that provides knowledgeable solutions regarding stressors that are beneficial for a patient’s growth. In working with individuals recovering from opioid addiction, I would often tell my patients, “Yeah you’re right. I’ve never been an addict. I don’t have any personal experience around that life. But honestly, even if I did, does that mean I 100% know everything there is to know about your life and your experience? What I can tell you is I know loads about how to live life sober. I know a lot about finding joy without needing heroin. If that’s something you want to work on learning from me, I’d be happy to work with you.” I would also highlight that, the strength of me not having a similar experience is that I won’t ever insert my own thoughts and feelings into their lives. They get to explain and share how addiction has personally affected them and what they needed to overcome it. Just as therapist aren’t one size fits all, neither is the healing process.

Myth 11: “My therapist will just tell me what to do.”

Fact: Therapists will use their training and expertise to motivate and teach about various solutions to problems. Therapists will help a patient find the answers they are seeking to questions about their lives. We believe that every person is an expert in their own life. We respect autonomy and choice. Our role is not to tell someone what to do, but to help build them up to find resolutions that are right for them. Even therapists who are solution-focused or goal-oriented work with the patient on what they want to achieve. Therapists do not tell you what to do. We are not advice-givers.

Myth 12: “Therapists just want to give you pills.”

Fact: Therapists cannot give you pills. They do not have medical licenses. Therapists, psychologists, social workers, and counselors all don't have medical licenses. The only mental health professional that can prescribe medication is a psychiatrist. There are many mental health conditions that can be aided with medication, and some shouldn’t be treated without medication, but the decision to take medication is the choice of the patient. A therapist can help process this decision with you. They can help find referrals for psychiatrists in the area, help advocate for you by coordinating care with the psychiatrist (after a release of information is signed), and while you’re on the medication they can continue to help you develop coping skills that will assist with lasting change. But they won’t force you to pop-pills. If culturally/morally/personally medication isn’t right for you, and you’re ready to do the long hard work of actively healing, then your therapist will be there every step of the way. Again, we respect autonomy and choice.

Therapists are important people that you can access wellness treatment from. We help you to feel supported, learn new skill sets, and gain insights on yourself and your world. Some of my best memories are those I make with my patients. Of course, I may be biased as I am a therapist, but don’t believe the myths. Speak with one of us. Make your own decisions about us. You might be surprised.

Which busted myth surprised you the most? Let me know in the comments section below!

---

---