The 9 Basic Emotional Needs

Emotional needs are part of the normal human experience. We all have them. As humans, we seek out “emotional nourishment” the same way we seek nourishment from food and water. The complexities of how we get these needs met may change, especially as we get older, but their roots stay the same. Still, what exactly are our emotional needs? And how do we get them met?

What Are Emotional Needs?

An emotional need is a state or condition that must be fulfilled in order for us to experience happiness and peace. When our emotional needs are met and responded to appropriately, they keep us in balance. They are essential to a healthy lifestyle. When they aren’t addressed we may feel frustrated, hurt, or dissatisfied.

Though we all have them, everyone has their own unique set of emotional needs. The differences may come to be as a result of our upbringing, our culture, our genetic predisposition, our sense of identity, our current phase of life or age, and other individual factors.

Many people refer to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, a theory in psychology developed by Abraham Maslow in 1943, to describe the most basic human emotional needs. His hierarchy shows the progression. Formed in the shape of a pyramid, the primary needs are at the bottom and the most complex needs are at the top. Food and water can be found at the base, while self-actualization is found at its apex. From this understanding, research has expanded to identify nine specific emotional needs, common to all people across cultures.

Below are these nine basic emotional needs, and what actions can be taken to help ensure they are being met.

The 9 Basic Emotional Needs:

• Meaning: Humans need to have a coherent set of beliefs about life and what it's all for. We have to have a core set of values, at least one of which guides us to a sense of purposeful belonging. Basically, we need to feel like we have an answer to the question of “why we’re here.”

  • Action Plan: If you find that you’re feeling apathetic toward life or questioning your existence, then incorporating mindfulness, here-and-now experiences, and body awareness is essential to reconnecting with meaning. This can be as simple as exploring the wholeness of breath: noticing how it fills your lungs, nourishes your body, and reminds you that you are whole. You can also uncover meaning through supporting a cause, finding political ideology that resonates with you, or learning what it means to take on new familial roles, such as the parent.

• Security: People need an environment that allows them to live life without undue fear. This allows us to develop to our full potential. These safe places can be physical, emotional, and spiritual.

  • Action Plan: Make a list of what in your environment brings feelings of insecurity or danger. Once you’ve identified them, write down actionable steps you can take to remove or change those factors. For example, installing a burglary system to help ease worry about getting robbed.

• Privacy: To live a balanced lifestyle, humans require time and space. We require enough time and space to reflect on and learn from our experiences. Some individuals, particularly introverts, empaths, and individuals sensitive to overstimulation, need to decompress more than others.

  • Action Plan: Start your day by reflecting on and preparing for the tasks ahead. During this morning reflection, rehearse any situations that you are aware of that may arise to reactivity. You can also mediate the outcomes and intentions you have for yourself and your loved ones. Lastly, journaling is an excellent way to express desires and learn from mistakes.

• Volition: Humans need to feel like we have the power to choose how we exist. We strive to drive our own lives and live autonomously.

  • Action Plan: Identify the areas and people that leave you feeling powerless. Take the time to learn assertiveness communication in order to set clear boundaries in those areas and with those people.

• Attention: Giving and receiving quality contact with others, as well as with yourself, is core to feeling valued. This contact may be in the form of affection or validation, or it can even be as simple as an acknowledgment of purposeful existence.

  • Action Plan: Check-in with people important to you, including yourself, to learn what is needed to foster healthy attention. Then prioritize putting effort into cultivating those meaningful interactions with friends, family, and partner/s. It’s also important to set aside time for yourself, incorporating more activities of self-care. 

• Intimacy: Humans are social creatures. Disconnection increases loneliness, isolation, and dissociation. Having an emotionally attuned connection with others allows us to know not only that we are not alone, but that we are desired and sought after. Emotional intimacy is the deep understanding that we are accepted for who we are.

  • Action Plan: If you're feeling lonely in your relationships, examine what areas need tending to in order to create more emotional intimacy. For example, increase sharing your hopes, dreams, and desires with someone else. If you find that you can’t be vulnerable, seek out what is causing this block.

• Community Connection: Our brains are social organs that function with the purpose of feeling connected to something greater than ourselves. This basic need allows us to give way to something other than our own personal desires, growing the experience of satisfied intention.

  • Action Plan: Give back to your community through philanthropy work or volunteering. If volunteering is not an option, you can benefit from mentoring someone in your chosen field. Your skill sets may be specialized and, if so, you may even be suited to teach or coach.

• Sense of Self: Being part of a community or group is essential, but understanding your value within the group dynamic is also important. We need to know that we have a role within the structure, a role both vital and unique. Often people confuse having a sense of self with being a leader or an extravert. What it really means is knowing your status within a social grouping, and knowing that your status is key to the group.

  • Action Place: Open up more opportunities to set yourself apart from your peers. Maybe it’s taking on a special position at your job, researching trivia questions for an upcoming game night with friends, or even volunteering to set up the next play-date schedule.

• Sense of Achievement: Humans need to have something we are working toward. We have the ability to identify, analyze, problem-solve, imagine, create, and strive. When we believe we are not achieving a goal, we begin to criticize ourselves. As a result, we may lose motivation and become lazy as we begin to believe that we are not capable of accomplishment. 

  • Action Plan: Jot down all achievements, anything you’ve accomplished, both big and small. Look at your degrees, promotions, awards, or scholarships. Look at your healthy gains, including giving up smoking, losing weight, or fixing your teeth. Write down any heartaches or rough spells that you’ve survived. Then look at what you’ve written and write down the skills you had, or gained, that were necessary to make achieving these goals possible. Increase your awareness of what your achievements are in order to inspire you to find more things to achieve.

Emotional nourishment is necessary for humans to be able to function wholly. It allows us to peacefully exist, and operate within a family, a group, and a community. When factors in our lives block our ability to have these needs met, we suffer considerable distress. Therefore, it’s important to recognize which emotional needs aren’t being met, and to take action to meet them.

Did you know there were 9 essential emotional needs? Which one is easy for you to get met? Let me know in the comments section below!

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